It’s always been my thinking that everyone gets more emotional at night. I know it’s true for me at least. Tonight was one of those nights where I was listening to a new Kutless song (to me anyway) that Kari and I heard, oddly enough, last night on Scrubs. Listening to the words you realized it was somehow out of context for the scene, and then you realize it’s a praise song. All of the Words, that’s the title, and I went to download it immediately. As I sat and listened to it tonight, browsing some sites I used to check daily several months ago, I realized how much I miss ministry. I don’t plan on getting back into it soon, maybe never actually (at least not paid staff at a church – I have too many trust issues now with church people), but I do miss it. I miss seeing people being changed right in front of me. I miss daily study and coffee.

I guess it’s hard coping with having all that stripped away without warning. I don’t think much about it honestly (though when I do it’s mostly comtempt and disgust I’ll admit), and tonight was the first time I really truly missed "it". I’ve missed the students, I’ve missed my habits that are long gone, but I hadn’t actually missed the job until tonight.

Everything in life pretty much comes in waves, no? Happiness, sadness, contentedness. So tomorrow I’ll be fine, and come Friday when I get paid I’ll be even better, and the next payday better still (money doesn’t buy happiness, but not having to worry about money relieves a whole lot of stress). And when I go to church on Sunday and am able to worship God wholly and not sit around for 40 minutes while old people talk about this and that instead of actually having a worship experience… I’ll be reminded that God’s still my rock.

See, I’m back to not missing it already.